Splitting up

_MG_5336Nobody ever decides to end a relationship lightly.

People change. Circumstances can cause people to change. Sometimes one will do horrible things to another. Sometimes couples grow apart. Relationships can decay slowly over time.

Often the person who decides to bring the relationship to an end will have been agonising about what to do for months if not years.

The other person may not have seen the end of the relationship coming. They may still want to try and work things out. They may not be able to let go. They may want to keep things going a bit longer for the sake of their children.

Splitting up is an emotional minefield.

The decision by one or both to separate requires loads of questions to be answered and problems to be solved.

These include; where am I going live? Where are our children going to live? How will our children spend time between us? What am I going to do for money?

We have never met a family which has too much money.

Often a family will have been financially stretched when they were living together. How are they going to manage when they live apart in two households?

Everyone knows that divorce is expensive. When a couple are not married the law can be more complicated and they may not be protected as much as they thought they were.

We all know children are caused harm if they are brought up in an on-going conflict between their parents (whether separated or not).

Children will often wrongly blame themselves for what has happened between their parents. Couples/parents have a lot to sort out but can often make matters worse for themselves by making bad decisions or doing stupid things.

These can include being threatening, hiding money, using their children as a weapon to punish the other.

They can seek help from the wrong professionals.

Two recent pieces of news show that;

• Nearly a quarter of divorcees questioned for a survey said they had tried to hide financial assets to “keep them secure”

• The law watchdog (The Legal Ombudsman) has said that Spiralling costs and poor quality legal services are adding to the misery of divorce.

(The news referred to was on the BBC website; http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-21611496 and http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-21534453).

We want to help our clients to achieve the best that is possible.

The pages that follow are written with the intention of helping you to take a breath and make decisions which could assist you to achieve better and more durable outcomes.

These pages are a starting point and there is no substitute to us talking together.