10 Do’s and Don’ts if you are getting Divorced – Ian Walker

Don’ts first; here are 10 things not to do;

  1. Don’t use your children to get at the other person. You are both better than that. Remember, you are a role model for your children. They need to see their parents resolving problems in a sensible and constructive way.
  2. Don’t make threats to, or cause harassment to the other person. It will only make things worse. It will take longer and be more expensive to sort things out.
  3. Don’t think you are going to take the other person “to the cleaners”. That’s not going to happen. The law is about fining fair solutions. You will both get a fair outcome. There are a range of “fair” outcomes. There can be different views about what “fair” is, but the “battleground” is fairly narrow
  4. Don’t try to hide money or assets. The chances are they will be found. Your costs and the overall costs in the case will be more. It will take longer sort out and your divorcing partner will never trust you again.
  5. Don’t spend loads of time “shopping round”. You need to make the right choice of Solicitor. Do some research (You are looking at this after all) but you should be able to get most of the information you need from professionals websites. Otherwise you are wasting time and confusing yourself. (have a look at our guide https://familylawandmediation.co.uk/13-tips-for-choosing-a-family-law-solicitor/ )
  6. Don’t be unrealistic about cost. With Court fees a Divorce will cost around £1000 and a Court case will cost between £5,000 to £15,000 or loads more. Don’t believe anyone to complete the job for next to nothing. You know what the starting cost of a decent car is and you know how houses are priced. Be realistic. If you want to save money, read the list below. Focus on experience and hourly charging rate.
  7. Don’t build up unrealistic expectations.  Take a look at this article on the website.  https://familylawandmediation.co.uk/solicitor-led-family-mediation/how-too-much-advice-too-soon-can-make-it-harder-to-solve-the-problem/
  8. Don’t listen too much to others. Everyone is an expert. They will give you loads of “advice”, they will often stir things up between you and your former partner. Don’t forget, that you used to be able to resolve problems with the other person once. Whatever has happened, you can resolve things now. It is better and cheaper if you both can. It’s better for your children if their parents can get on again.
  9. Don’t get distracted by process. The most import things are;  a) Getting the Decree Absolute of Divorce   b) Having a final arrangement for you children which work.  c)Getting a final financial order (Clean Break?).                 Once you have these, the costs stop. You can move on. Therefore, don’t get bogged down by messing around with short term, temporary issues. Get on with sorting out the important stuff.
  10. Don’t forget, that you can stop the Divorce at any stage. You can pause it as well. Whilst some don’t regret divorcing, others do. If the marriage can be saved, and it is worth saving, then you can pause the divorce and then stop it to try just that.

Here are 10 things that you should do;

  1. Do put the needs of your children first. They will be more confused and upset than you.
  2. Do concentrate on solving the problem
  3. Do instruct a Solicitor who is a member of Resolution.
  4. Do think about Collaborative Law or Mediation
  5. Do be honest with you Solicitor, the Court and the other person
  6. Do remember that the keys to good long-term children arrangements are; good communications, trust and reliability
  7. Do think beyond the current and immediate issues to finding long term solutions which work for everyone.
  8. Do make sure you and your children are safe
  9. Do get help from other professionals where it may be helpful; Relationship counselling, Personal counselling, parenting classes, domestic abuse support.
  10. Do give me a call; the number is; Honiton 01404 819098; Exeter 01392 409035; Taunton 01823 429183 or anytime 0750080664
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